Concerns have been raised, by sports scientists, team doctors, and football managers, about the effect of the coronavirus, on Premiership Footballers, declaring it has not being given the attention it deserves. Whilst the government has spoken at length about the need to protect the NHS, look after the elderly, and those with underlying health conditions, to date nothing has been put in place to protect the most vulnerable in society, Premiership Footballers.
The Arsenal teams head of medical, Dr Will Tickel, has famously shared a video of him balling his eyes out in his car, sobbing uncontrollably, about how the entire Arsenal squad, known to be one of the softest teams in the league, could be wiped out by the virus. "A lot of these boys wear gloves in August, their so fragile" he continued "gusts of wind have toppled many of our strikers, especially in a penalty box, they've no natural immunity to anything."
Tottenham manager, Jose Mourinho, has hired 84 London buses to block the entrances and exits to the homes of all first team players, and promising youth team prospects. Mourinho's traditional 'park the bus' tactics have served him well in previous pandemics, and 1-nil victories over many years. The special one doesn't fuck about when it comes to the welfare of his players, in particular his new Russian signing, Ivor Chestikov, has been under close observation for weeks now, with Mourinho personally dropping round milk & hobnobs to his doorstep, so Ivor can remain safely isolated inside.
West Ham's vice-chairman, well chairwoman, well chair person, what do we call it now, fuck it, may as well be chairman, she's more balls than most of them, anyway Karen Brady, the Hammers supremo has called on the government to declare a one mile exclusion zone around all Premiership Footballers, until a vaccine an be approved for use on her millionaire fairy boys. "Without it," she added, "we could see Footballers go the way of the dinosaurs after that big meteorite hit. We will be digging up their fossils in the years to come, mark my words, it'll be like Jurassic Park all over again, but with more death and less Jeff Goldblum."
Football fans before the crisis jizzing over their team