The US government has officially begun an investigation into who can be held liable for any losses resulting from Chinese food. In a shocking twist to reports that the Corona virus may have been 'lab made' in Wuhan, the US President, Donald Trump, has also laid the fault of any side effects from Chinese food firmly at the foot of the Chinese government.
"Americans everywhere are eating oodles of noodles, but a great, great number are having bad stomachs, headaches, erectile dysfunction, even obesity issues because of it" Trump declared before bemused reporters at the White House. Still wearing a napkin from lunch, stained with burger relish and the semen of Mike Pence, Trump went on to say something had to be done fast about who he could blame for this.
"Vice President Pence and I just had a great, great lunch. Really. It was beautiful. American made. And let me tell you, don't listen to the fake news media, there are no calories in an American Burger, honestly, trust me, I'm a smart guy, ask the guys at Harvard, they call me all the time about all sorts of problems." he continued.
As reporters began to ask what the actual f#ck he was talking about, an enraged Trump belittled the press before him "Your a disgrace, our economy is suffering because of foreign foods, terrible foods, sent here to make us all sick, and cost American Burger jobs, and you liberal fake news morons are just letting it happen. Well no more. I will carry out a full investigation, and once I find out who is responsible, then for every American job lost, or sick day from dodgy Chinese food, I will seek full payment from the Chinese, I mean, if I discover the Chinese are behind this. Trust me, we will have a trade war the likes of which we haven't seen since a couple of months ago, its going to be beautiful,"