NHS BEGS PEOPLE TO NOT TO FUCK TOO MUCH

Doctors have warned that one of the side effects of shit television shows and continued isolation, is that couples are reverting to sex to help pass the time. Should that continue, it is feared a wave of births 9 months from now could overwhelm the NHS, and babystores, and it was urgent to act now to prevent the spread of legs at home. 

In some cases, it has been reported that even married couples have had sex, possibly for the first time since their wedding nights. That the worlds most effective contraceptive, the wedding ring, is now failing, is causing the most concern. Doctors, scientists and deep sea divers have all asked the government to send out BCU's (Boning Care Packages) to all households, along with guidance on having safe sex, although a global condom shortage is adding to the nations problems, along with lack of PPE. 

Doctors have reminded couples that should both birth control pills and condoms run out, that men don't have to empty their muck up the usual home, but to make full use of oral and anal options when climaxing, and not to forget about treating partners to a beautiful pearl necklace, or generous facial. One scientist has even come up with a fun rap, about fudge packing over Easter, to help save the NHS in  9 months time. "The Corona Virus will be like fucking playschool compared to this" added one Doctor.