Harry Potter didn't get harassed from HIS bank! And they were ACTUAL GOBLINS!

Brad Sharp:  Good afternoon, WTAF'ers.  We bring you yet another story in ignorance.  This time I thought that I would share what goes on at my job.  As I have said, I work for an accounting company.  We reconcile business accounts for major retailers.  I am sure if you can think of a store, fast food joint, restaurant, or service provider, we more than likely do their books.  Since these accounts are owned by pretty big and well-known names, we sometimes run into power trippin' bitches that refuse to cooperate simply because our given birth name is not what is shown on the account.  Like anyone goes around with the name Walmart?!  To get around this, we have sent all banks a letter of authorization, which will be explained in the scenario below that just happened:

Brad:  Hello.  I'm Brad Sharp with AccountingCompany.  I am calling in regards to the RetailerName business account.  We are out of balance and I just need to verify the ending balance on the 4th with what is shown online.

Teller:  Okay, what is the account number?

Brad:  1234567890

Teller:  Okay, let's see here... what was your name again?

Brad:  Brad Sharp with AccountingCompany.

Teller:  I... I don't see your name on here anywhere!

Brad:  No, my name is not RetailerName and my actual name will not be on the account...

Teller:  Oh, well I...

Brad:  ... but there IS a letter of authorization from the signer of the account and our office that gives us access and permission to any information on this account.

Teller:  ...... well, I will have to go look that up.  Could you please hold?

Brad:  Sure.

*the Muzak version of Summer Nights plays with intermittent interruptions by very loud and obnoxious bank advertisements*

Teller:  Okay, I'm back and I found the letter of authorization, but I don't see your name anywhere on here.

Brad:  No, my specific name would not be on there; it should state that permission is given to any employee of AccountingCompany.

Teller:  Well, yes, I see that, but I don't see your name on here.

Brad:  Ma'am, my name will not be on there.  We have an office full of people that gather account information for various retailers and it would be impossible to add each and every employee name to every letter of authorization for every account.

Teller:  I realize that, but to share information on this account, I need to know who I am speaking with.

Brad:  Brad Sharp from AccountingCompany.

Teller:  I don't see your name on this letter of authorization.

(tempted to say "Who's on first, bitch?!")

Brad:  Ma'am, the letter of authorization states any employee of AccountingCompany.  I am an employee of AccountingCompany.  I just need to verify the balance with you to the one that I am looking at online right this very moment.

Teller:  Well, how do I know you're from AccountingCompany?  How do I know you are who you say you are?

(temptation again "How do I know who YOU are?!")

Brad:  Because we are the ones that sent the letter of authorization to you for this very purpose!

Teller:  .... hold... hold on, I need to speak with my manager...

*Summer Nights invades my ears again*

Teller:  Okay, I just spoke with my manager and she said that it was alright to speak with you.

Brad:  Thank you.  Now what was the ending balance for the 4th?

Teller:  $1234.56

Brad:  Okay, that is not what the website is showing and I now balance.  Thank you for your help!

Teller:  Oh, you're welcome.  Sorry for...

*click*

How in the hell would I know about the letter of authorization?  How would I know that it states "any employee of AccountingCompany"?  Do you really think that I broke into the bank, ignored all the money, planted the fake letter of authorization, and snuck out without any other devious malevolence done?!  That is the WORST crime EVER THOUGHT OF!  Of COURSE YOU would be the one to think of that!  That's more of an April Fool's prank than anything!  Lord help me, I'm gonna mail you a cowpie!  >_<

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