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- ▼ Nov (7)
Stacy J. Sciarra: "Good evening my stuffed like turkeys from Thanksgiving fuckers...tonight we have another WTAF story from our field reporter, Vivian Smartass. Vivian?"
Vivian Smartass: Thanks, Stacy. Vivian Smartass here with another report from the Human Resources front. I just had the following conversation with a prospective employee. I do not know how he said this with a straight face.
Dumbass (DA): Yeah I didn’t get those forms you sent me to fill out, my email was freezing up. Can you send it to my other one?
Smartass (SA): Sure! What is it?
Vivian: Seriously? You eediot! How can you seriously, honest and for true, give out that email to a PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYER?? Do you really think that the old fogeys in HR don’t know what 420 and 69 denote? Alas, that I was never young!
And some more fun with resumes. Sadly, these are actual examples that have not been edited. The stupid, it burns:
What skills do you have that would help perform this job?
Readying ,writing and communication
(Vivian: You say these words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean.)
IM A VERY DEPENDABLE PERSON,HARD WORK, WILLING TO LEARN KNEW THING ON A DAILY BASES,QUICK LEARNER,I PUT EVERY THING INTO MY JOB,I LOVE PEOPLE
(Vivian: It’s great that you love people, Precious, but work on the written communication skills.)
EXCELLENT WIRTTEN AND VERBAL COMMUNICATION
I have 5 years of experience, including as a Telephone Sales Rep, as a Crew Member and a cashier industries including Business Services, Eating and Drinking Places and Eating and Drinking Places.
(Vivian: Really Really Really?)
Accurately put wood pieces together to create doors fronts and drawer
• Identified and resolved problems with wood
• Verified that all wood was as it was supposed to be
(Vivian: This just made me laugh. Oh no, the wood is not as it is supposed to be!
Brad Sharp: I bet wood paneled items really confuse the hell out of him. :-P)
Other: Healthy and a non-smoker
(Vivian: Good for you. Should not be on a resume. Ever.)
Employer: XXX Location: Chicago, IL
Title: sales ass
Description: helped customer with their needs of shoes
(Vivian: Actually, I really want to be a sales ass. Customer: “Hi, do you have…” Me: “NO!” *throws shoe* “MWAHAHA!” Also, I have needs of shoes. Lots of needs of shoes.)
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