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- ▼ Aug (12)
Good morning, What the Actual Fuckers. Welcome to today’s edition of WTAF news. I’m Brad Sharp and joining me today is the lovely Stacy J. Sciarra. Today’s top story; Rants: When Ignorance take Over.
I know that the phrase ‘blind rage’ is indeed very true, but do not let that hate blind you with ignorance to your own words. If you are going to do an epic rant, there are rules. These rules are there to protect you from having the rant backfire, blow up in your face, and making you look like the dip-wad instead of the one that you are attacking. Let's review, shall we?
1. Spell check. This should be automatically built in to all browsers. If not, use MS word or some other text editing program. If you really have to get ghetto, use your e-mail provider; they should have spell check when you compose a new e-mail. If it does not look right, it probably isn’t. 'Spung' does not equal 'sponge'. No, no one is perfect and can spell all words correctly 100% of the time, but that is why we live in the future where technology can help us with our fallacies.
2. Make sure the words that you are using are the correct ones; double, triple, even quadruple check it if you have to. Common misuses: your, you're; there, their, they're; fourth, forth; quite, quiet; then, than; accept, except. School was there for us for a reason, and it wasn't to keep us busy while our parents drink. Also, Google is your friend... most of the time (see number five).
3. CAPS LOCK NEEDS TO BE OFF. Just because the caps lock is on, does not mean that you are preaching the truth at a high volume, it just means that you forgot the caps lock was on and are too fucking lazy to turn it off and retype everything all over again. Look at the screen every now and then! If you see an ABUNDANCE OF VERY LARGE LETTERS you need to take the time to retype that or at least thin out the herd.
4. Text speak is verboten! I know you want to save time and get your rant out there as fast as possible while the hate is still hot, but not everyone understands "dat MF had it cmng! I done sht n hs shampu! U no w@ I mean?" No, Shaquanda Lupita Mercedes Dorito Jackson, we do not know what you mean. Use your words; vocabulary is the gift that keeps on giving that everyone can appreciate.
5. Make sure you do not incriminate yourself. Google can track your ass down if need be, so cover it. Do not post about how you set fire to your ex's house, killed their dog, shat in their body wash, stuck their toothbrush up your butt, posted their naked pics online, siphoned their gas, or slashed their tires! It's called ‘evidence’ and ‘admission of guilt’. Go watch a crime drama and learn something.
6. Minimize the curse words. We get it, you're pissed, but "FUCK YOU IN YOUR FUCKING FUCK FUCK" does not get your point across and really confuses and worries your readers. If every other word is of the four letter variety, you do not look cool, sophisticated, or vengefully angry; you just look like you are having a turretes fit. I'm not saying to replace the words with 'darn', 'heck', or 'shoot', because that will look like a 50's housewife who is having a very polite turretes fit.
7. This one ties into number five; keep the rant as private as possible. The best way to do this is to have an actual vocal conversation with someone or a group. Written words are way too easy to track down and the person that you are ranting about may see it, read what you have done, and attempt to retaliate. If that is what you wanted, you might as well just send them a singing telegram of the rant. "I hate you, yes I do! You smell like an old shoe! I wish that you were dead, but I'll settle for instead, the fact that you are bathing in my poooooooo!"
Take these rules to heart the next time that you feel like you have to let off some steam. No one likes to hear a half retarded angry monkey screech and ramble.
3 comments to "WTAF are you ranting about?!"