Brad:  Good morning, faithful readers.  Welcome to another WTAF morning.  I'm your news anchor, Brad Sharp, and with me as always, the lovely Stacy J. Sciarra.  Today's topic is How NOT to Act in an Office Environment.  One of the major issues that I have encountered many times before are people that do not mind their own business.  They apparently are just so bored with their own existence and don't have enough work to do that they feel compelled to come and bother you and see what you are doing, eating, watching, listening to, and thinking about.  Here we have an example that just happened today.  Please read, learn, spread the knowledge, and don't let nosy happen to you...

Brad:  OMFG!
Brad:  FUCK!  SHIT!  GAAAAHHHHHH!!!  >_<
Stacy:  What?!?! 
Brad:  Nosy patrol is out in FUCKING FORCE today!  GOD!  >_<
Stacy:  o.0 
Brad:  From across the walkway and a cube over...
"Hey Brad, whatcha eatin'?  A burrito?"
"...... a bagel......"
"Oh."
Brad:  Really?  Does it even fucking MATTER?!
Brad:  And HOW does one confuse a bagel with a burrito?!?!  o_0
Stacy:  LOL!
Stacy:  I would say "she's just trying to be nice" but clearly that's not the intent here.
Brad:  So, I am eating and watching Shane Dawson's daily vlog... she runs from her CHAIR across the walkway, puts her nappy head in my face to get a closer look at the screen... "Whatcha watchin'?!" 
Brad:  Bitch, the back of your crusty head, now!
Brad:  GAWDAMN!  >_<
Stacy:  o.0  Seriously!??!?! 
Brad:  YES!
Brad:  WTAF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Stacy:  Just think... in like, a month and a half, you'll be here.
Brad:  Sorry, but I am NOT going to miss these people at all!  That is just SO fucking RUDE!!!
Brad:  Also, jinkies!  There's a LOT of cream cheese on my bagel!  The little Korean lady usually doesn't put very much on it; like, she holds the bagel over the tub of cream cheese so I get the essence of it.  So, today, I asked for extra.  Bitch put half the damn tub on it!  >_<
Stacy:  Feast or famine.
Brad:  "You want-a esstra?!  I give-uh you esstra!!!  HI-YA!  *shoves bagel in the cream cheese container and removes it, hand covered in spread*"
Stacy:  LOL!
Stacy:  Is your blood pressure back to normal?  BREATHE BRAD!
Brad:  Yes, but damn, that was rude as all hell!  Twice in three minutes to pull that shit?  Knock it off!
Stacy:  You need a big ol "do not disturb" sign and just HIT HER WITH IT.
Brad:  I wish I could fart on cue... I'd totally let one rip just to repel bitches.
Stacy:  LMFAO!  Your idea works, too!
Brad:  But that might make it worse... "What was that sound? What's that smell? *pulls out magnifying glass and goes all Scooby Doo on me*"
Stacy:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
Brad:  It's like working with Ariel, the little mermaid... "What's this? What's this?!?!"
Stacy:  Try spraying HER with a water bottle.  BAD CO-WORKER!  NO!  GET BACK IN YOUR CUBE!
Brad:  "What's that?!  What're you doing?!  Where'd you get that bottle?!  Where'd you get the water?!"
Brad:  "Water?  Bitch, this is my urine..."
Stacy:  LMFAO ROTF!
Brad:  "Oh!  What did you eat last night?!  It's so musky!  Did you have asparagus?!" 
Stacy:  Oh stop it!  I'm laughing so fucking hard and my damn abs hurt! 
Brad:  LOL!  ^_^

Stacy:  Thank you, Brad, for that horrific tale of a five year old child stuck in a forty year old body.  Speaking of inappropriate office behavior, I think that an abundance of any whorfume should be an automatic write up!  The receptionist here doesn't just bathe in it; she washes her hair and dishes in it, uses it as fabric softener, gargles with it, fixes squeaky hinges with it, and I think she even maced the mailman with it once.  This office isn't a fire hazard until Stankzilla walks in the door, sits down at her desk, and marinates in her own vapors.  Vicks ain't got shit on this woman!  One whiff and you can breathe out of your ASS!  Speaking of ass, she also has the worst case of perpetual gas I have ever witnessed!  Every five minutes she lets one rip.  No, not rip... she wears a Poise pad so it kinda muffles it.  I know she wears a Poise pad because the nasty bitch left one ON the counter in the bathroom!  USED!  Nasty, gross pig.  So yes, she doesn't rip them... she blurbbles them.  Every time I hear it, I think she's drowning in her coffee.  No wonder she is so paranoid and smothers her vajay in eau de parfum de la prostituée française.  So, yes, she reeks of a French whore, but she sounds like a French whore with bowel issues.

Brad:  That's... just... I... no words... ew... icky... poo... *gag*
Well, I think that about sums it up for the day.  I hope you have all learned a very valuable lesson.  Until next time, thirty love, and have a WTAF kind of day!

Stacy J. Sciarra:  Well, it's been awhile since we've had a newsworthy WTAF, but low and behold, the idiots of the world have not let us down:

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/30/11471297-two-teen-girls-hit-by-car-while-sunbathing-in-the-road?lite

Click the link.  Go ahead. I'll wait.  <taps foot impatiently>  So, yeah, two girls were sunbathing in THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD and, I know you're just as shocked as I am, they were hit by a car.  I was further left speechless by the fact that the driver was "questioned by police but it remains unclear if he'll be charged".  Charged with WHAT?!?!  DRIVING ON A ROAD?!?!  How about charging the dumbass girls for, oh, I don't know... sunbathing in the middle of the freakin' road?!?!  What the Eff is wrong with these people?!?

Stupidity should be painful.  Oh wait... for these girls, I guess it was.  Score one for karma.

Yes, this was posted on ZaxxonQ.com, but I felt that this must be shared here, as well. This is news that everyone should read and a lesson that we should all learn, if it hasn't been learned already. Also, it's been a while since we posted anything here. :-P

Learn to laugh at yourself, because if you don't, someone else will beat you to the punch.

The first time that I learned to laugh at myself and not take life too seriously was when I was about six or seven years old.  Growing up was difficult, especially since I was a giant butterball that had to ROLL everywhere I went.  Being such an easy target, naturally, I was teased, picked on, and bullied often.  Usually this would happen on the bus rides to and from school by the older kids.  Little did they know, they were just adding fuel to a fire of fury that would build up to the levels of the Hiroshima bomb.  Not that it would actually DO much when I unleashed it, but I would feel SO much better.  One day, after an extremely extended amount of ridiculing, I uncorked my bottle.  I was no longer in control of my body or limbs as they proceeded to WAIL of the kid behind me.  I can still see the shocked look on his face as I boxed him about the ears, nose, and throat, all the while crying and shouting, "Fucking stop it!  Why are you doing this to me?!  I HAVE FEELINGS, TOO!"  After the storm died down and I was told to re-take my seat, a sense of calm washed over me, like a blanket fresh from the dryer.  I smiled.  I felt that I finally got my point across and that my days of bullies was behind me.  I thought that word would spread all around the schools "Don't fuck with Brandon Sharp!  He'll kick your ass!"  Little did I know, that was not the case.  Little did I know, I just gave them another reason besided my portly frame to pick on me.  Little did I know, I had just become a meme.  A meme before memes were a 'thing'.

The next day on the bus, I noticed a flyer being passed around and giggles erupting when it reached the next intended person.  I caught a glimpse of it.  It was a picture of a local children's television show host smiling next to his puppet dog companion.  "BJ and The Super Ones".  I shrugged it off with an "Okay, I don't know what's so funny about that one particular picture, but whatever floats their boat."  Later that day, as I boarded the bus, outright laughter in my direction was not only audible, but visually obvious as well.  Not knowing what was going on, I took my seat.  A minute later, a crumpled ball of paper hit my head by an unknown assailant.  I un-crinkled it to see BJ staring at me with the perma-grin... but something else was added.  There was a cartoon word bubble coming out of his teeth with the phrase "I have feelings, too!"  For anyone else, the rage would've taken over and another bout of limb flailing and cry-shouting would commence... but thankfully I was born with an astute sense of humor.  The only thing out of my mouth was immense laughter.  I mean, c'mon.  That was funny as fuck!  This must've confused and scared the other kids because all was quiet save for my giggle-fit.  I can only imagine that they thought they pushed me over the flippin' edge and that the next day I would get on the bus with a machete and show them my Jason Voorhees impersonation.  After that, the teasing, taunting, and bullying never got to me again.  I could actually point out what was being made fun of and join in with my own rapier wit which was worlds beyond the immature ribbing they attempted!  That usually took the steam and fun out of the bullies' taunts, and they eventually just stopped all together thinking "What's the point?"  I never realized that is what the ultimate outcome was; I was just laughing along and enjoying a joke!

So, yes, it DOES get better... but ya gotta meet better halfway and actually TRY to make it better.  Don't just sit and wait for better to come to you... it may get lost on the way.

Now I leave you with a clip that I found of Cartoon Clubhouse/Good Time Gang/BJ and The Super Ones/or whatever the fuck it wanted to be called.  Hell, after that day, I called it the "I Have Feelings, Too Show".  Thanks, BJ, for helping me laugh at myself.  ^_^

Stacy J. Sciarra: OMFG...it's been awhile since we've been here, folks... but sometimes... that happens. Deal with it. We've got another splendid report from Vivian Smartass. Enjoy!

Stacy J. Sciarra: Good morning WTAF'ers. Welcome to Wednesday. Or should I say, welcome to HOLY SHIT ITS ONLY WEDNESDAY!?!?! Work place stupidity is a common problem. We at WTAFNews are doing our best to identify such stupidity in hopes that awareness will be raised and corrective measures can be taken. In lieu of corrective action, we will post stories about your stupidity. ENJOY!

Brad:  ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!  OMG, OMG, O, M, G!  I CANNOT make this shit up...
Brad:  Okay, you know how sometimes an online banking site will ask you random security questions that you answered when setting up the online banking service just to verify your identity further? 
Stacy:  Yes
Brad:  Well, the client set it all up and sent us the info.  One of the security question answers... oh hell, I can't explain THIS stupidity... here...
Brad:  "What color was your first car?"
Brad:  "Chevy"
Stacy:  ...are you fuggin serious?
Stacy:  I bet she can count to potato!!! Maybe not all by herself; she may need some assistance.
Brad:  I can almost hear the bleach in her hair and tatas busting out of her children's size sweater.
Brad:  ROFLMAO! Wow... just wow...
Stacy:  Maybe she thought it said, um, kind? 
Brad:  Or worse... flavor...  "What color was your first car?" "Salty." 
Stacy:  People frighten me with stupidity. 
Stacy:  Although, maybe it really IS smart.
Stacy:  Maybe she intentionally did it so no one would guess the color.
Brad:  "I don't know the color! I drive it at night with my eyes closed!  I'm scared of the dark!"
Stacy:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Stacy:  "... and... I'm blind."
Brad:  "Hey, you! Braille-y... come touch my car and tell me what color it feels like!" 
Stacy:  LMFAO ROTF YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Brad:  "It feels blue!" "Nooooo, silly! It's Salty Chevy!"
Stacy:  ...I got nothing
Brad:  That's what she said!
Stacy:  LMAO!  Oh, you are in rare form this morning.

Brad Sharp:  Welcome to a VERY special edition of WTAFnews.  Stacy has brought something to my attention that I think needs to be addressed in hopes of preventing the spread of this ignorance.  I'll let Stacy take over from here and tell the story...

Stacy J. Sciarra:  Good Afternoon and welcome to another entry of "are you fucking serious?"  I would like to preface this story by saying, this ACTUALLY happened in a Facebook thread.  My co-anchor, Brad, has changed the names to protect the stupid, but to me, this is a bit more personal.  This is the owner of a local business where me and my friends frequent, and (until now) supported by spending our money in her establishment.  I am a strong believer in throwing support behind what you stand for, and NOT spending money when I am wholly offended by a individuals beliefs.  I do not apologize for utilizing this blog to take a stand.  Finally, for those of you who are here locally and wish to NOT support the Crazy Banjo Lady, let me know privately and I'll gladly provide you the information.

-------------<cues the introduction to Dueling Banjos>-------------

Crazy Banjo Lady:  Obama has overstepped his boundaries: No one can "require employers to buy health insurance that covers contraception and abortifacients [sic] for its employees!" The First Amendment of the United States Constitution protects the right to freedom of religion and freedom of expression from government interference.... How long will WE THE PEOPLE tolerate this "Hitler"????  The Court has interpreted, the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment as protecting the rights in the First Amendment from interference by state governments. See U.S. Const. amend. XIV... so there are two protections right there. I can't be the only one to see this...

Person 1:  If you check my timeline, I just "liked" these amendments last night. This kind of oppression and taxation without representation is the reason we became our own country in the first place.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  I don't get it Person 1... how can We the People stand by and watch this happen?  The right to petition the government for a redress of grievances guarantees people the right to ask the government to provide relief for a wrong through the courts (litigation) or other governmental action. It works with the right of assembly by allowing people to join together and seek change from the government.... again, in the first Amendment.

Stacy:  While I can appreciate your frustration despite our differences of opinions, referring to Obama as Hitler is quite offensive to those of us who are Jewish. Sit back for a minute and really think about that comparison.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  oh I have...

Person 1:  I have been bitching about this type of loss of freedom for some time. But unfortunately people just don't care yet. That's why I'm so adamant about the 2nd amendment. It's our final defense against a police state. Laws are supposed to protect our freedoms and now there are so many of them, most of which limit our freedoms. It's a very sad state in America. I wish people would wake up and start giving a shit.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  If we compare the two:

Obama - people follow him blindly without question
Hitler - people follow him blindly without question...
Obama - political rallies are held in stadiums
Hitler - political rallies are held in stadiums.
Obama - changes the American Flag to the ancient symbol of Horus Sun worship
Hitler - changes the German Flag to the ancient symbol of Black Sun worship. strange...
Obama - political rally held in Berlin Germany
Hitler - political rally held in Berlin Germany
Obama - Writes a Biography; Barack Obama: What He Believes In
Hitler - Writes a Biography; Mein Kampf: My Struggle
Obama - Writes another Biography; The Audacity of Hope
Hitler - Writes his 2nd Biography; A New World Order
Obama - his Father leaves baby Barry for a professional career (divorces mother)
Hitler - his Father leaves baby Adolph for a professional career (mother dies)
Obama - his real family identity and his name Soetoro gets buried in the media
Hitler - his real family identity and his Jewish name Schickelgruber gets buried in the media
Obama - has a chain gang Youth Group singing Alpha Omega blindly praising Hussein on YouTube
Hitler - had a Youth Group singing songs of nationalism praising Adolph (Pope Ratzinger was a member)... this gets better and better.
about an hour ago • Like
Obama - was part of the Chicago slumlord regime
Hitler - was part of the Nazi regime
Obama - has Soros and Rothschild as financial backers
Hitler - had Prescott Bush and Rothschild as financial backers
Obama - tries to conceal his Muslim Faith and Foreign Citizenship by manipulating his Birth Certificate
Mainstream News covers Obama's illegal alien federal felony here: [link to www.youtube.com]
Hitler - tries to conceal his Jewish roots by entering Austria and chasing down his Birth Certificate
Obama - could have another false flag burning of 911
Hitler - had the false flag burning of the Reichstag
Obama - has a half-brother, George of Nigeria, he disassociates from
Hitler - had a half-brother William Patrick lived in the USA died 1987, a half-sister named Angela
Obama - probably hates either or both parents
Hitler - probably hated either or both parents
Obama - vote fraud and poll manipulation - ACORN, Propaganda; Obama Girl
Hitler - vote fraud and poll manipulation - Minister Joseph Goebbels control of all News Media
Obama - economy is in a Recession
Hitler - economy was in a Recession... these are too close for comfort.

Stacy:  I'm guessing 6 million murdered Jews would disagree on your comparison.  Half of your comparisons can be equally applied to a number of members of congress... or even of the average American. The other half is downright wrong.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  well, it's my opinion, actually it's not my opinion... it's a direct QUOTE from: http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message637521/pg1  I find it very strange that the very people who are trying to get help and guidance are the very people he's trying to hurt the most!  I could ask the same question Stacy... are you sure that what Hitler did (in his later years) is absolutely true? Were you there?  Step back and think about that one.

Stacy:  Are you serious?  You're questioning whether the holocaust happened?  Yes, I have family members that were executed and family members that still have the tattoos from the concentration camps.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  so this is all about killing Jews then and you have completely missed the point of how people built this man up to be a God vs a Monster... ok

Stacy:   Seems to be a pretty large issue with Hitler.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  in his later years yes. Not in his early years.

Stacy:  You were the one who brought it up.  You said "are you sure that what Hitler did (in his later years) is absolutely true"

Crazy Banjo Lady:  it takes years and years to become a "God-like" figure... taking from people who are less than well off and convincing others to believe in what you stand for, right or wrong. You made a statement. I was not there to see it actually happen, but yes History is in fact repeating itself over and over.

Person 1:  Jesus... this is one of the problems with America. Here is a thread talking about the loss of our rights.. in which Obama is compared to as Hitler. But instead of an intelligent discussion on the real matter at hand, we are addressing political correctness and semantics of the statement. Intend to offend. That is the beauty of America and I plan on exercising that right for as long as I can. Signed - Riders of the Easy POSSE

Crazy Banjo Lady:  agreed.

Person 2:  I'm not sure you have the first amendment violated with what you mentioned. First amendment says you cannot establish a religion, nor prohibit someone from freely exercising their religion. Is this requirement prohibiting the church from freely exercising their religion? That is the real question that should be being debated here. Honestly, I'm not a constitutional lawyer, I don't know. But I do question where we draw the line. We have already allowed religion to trump civil liberties with concern to the ADA. Where is the line drawn as to what constitutes allowing someone to freely exercise their religion? Not really taking sides here, just trying to get the discussion back on track I guess.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  when they make birth control mandated, it is

Person 3:  sorry to go back to this - but my family grew up in Germany at the time of his rise and went through the war - what they see here today scares them - they already lived it once...

Crazy Banjo Lady:  My father's family was also from Germany, which has no bearing. Removal of peoples' rights is what is happening and who are we to stop it before it gets to a point of no return? We ARE THE PEOPLE!

Person 1:  We are talking about making an employer pay for something that is a luxury item. If you are that concerned about not having a baby, just don't bang, use a condom..... Or pull out!! If you want to take birth control, pay for it your damn self. Forcing any corporation to provide birth control is unconstitutional in my book.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  I am standing up on my soap box and screaming as loudly as possible to get the AMERICAN people to listen! This has been four (or more) years of hell for many many people. No, this didn't happen all because of Obama, that would be ridiculous to think so. But Obama has NOT helped the situation and I, for one, cannot afford another 4 years like this... can YOU?  Contraception is available and fairly cheap, compared to having a child. It's not something everyone wants, however if you are a devout Catholic, you are not allowed by your religion to invoke it. Again, this is about freedom of Religion. Amendment ONE!

Person 1:  I don't want him to do another 4 years and will NEVER VOTE FOR HIM but there are problems with the entire political system, not just the president. How is it that key figures of our FDA can sit on the board of one of the largest food corporations in the world (with terrible past of intentionally hurting American people). How is it that our house leaders are able to be paid huge consulting fees by the same government agencies running this country into the ground. I'm saying that's a conflict of interest and I wish people would wake up and start caring because things are not looking good for us if we continue on this track. I can get on my soap box for only so long before I'm exhausted by the complacentness [sic] of my fellow citizens.

Person 4:  Most current comparisons to Hitler or Nazis reveal a lack of sincerity, and a complete disregard for the intelligence of the reader/listener and should be dismissed wholesale for that reason alone.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  ok...    since this is MY first amendment right, I will continue!

Person 4:  http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law  The first amendment DOES protect the rights of the illiterate and ignorant equally. ;)

Crazy Banjo Lady:  too funny...

Brad Sharp:  I'm... I'm sorry... do you really think that people are being FORCED to use birth control against their will??? o_0 I think you need to read up more on this, sweetie. That is not the case at all. If they wanted to do that, it would already be in your drinking water without your knowledge... which by the looks of this thread, I would not be totally against. :-/

Person 4:  " there is a tradition in many newsgroups and other Internet discussion forums that once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever debate was in progress."  Corollary to Godwin's Law.  ?...and that's not even delving into the many fallacies, both logical and factual, in the comparison itself.  As a moderate republican, these types of comparisons and arguments turn my stomach.  Keep exercising your First Amendment right to be wrong. You're only feeding the opposition, though, and not being a part of the solution.  Obama is a good man, is definitely an American, and deserves respect.

Crazy Banjo Lady:  Obama is NOT a good man. He's had his 4 years in which he stated: I will turn this all around. He has not. Trying to pass a bill for healthcare that was doomed in the first 3 years does not constitute progress, in my opinion. For goodness sake, even the States are suing him!

Person 5:  Not saying that this is not a violation of rights, however no one is forcing people to take the medication and violate their religious rights in that way. But from my view in the pharmacy world, there are a lot of people that are having kids because they can't afford to pay for the medication and then having kids kids that we as tax-payers are paying to support both medically and daily. Not saying these people don't have a choice not to have sex and have a child, but in a way we could reduce the amount of money being poured into government programs supporting these people and their children that people are complaining about. not trying pick a side, just wanted to get that out there too

Person 6:  I must be missing something... I don't believe that requiring an employer to purchase a health plan that includes coverage for contraception has anything to do with religion nor do I feel that it violates any individual rights. Now, the mandate that religious employers and organizations include this coverage is obviously a more religious issue and I believe has been effectively shot down.

Crazy Banjo Lady:   let's hope so. either way, the rights of the American people are in jeopardy once again... which was my whole point to begin with.

Brad Sharp:  Wow... offer (offer, not FORCE) the people a way to keep having sex without the risk of being burdened by an unwanted kid that WE THE PEOPLE would be paying for with child support and suddenly he's the DEBIL! WTAF is WRONG with you?! o_0

(after CBL started deleting all further posts that disagreed with her own views)

Brad Sharp:  Wow... you talk a big game about free speech, but when others try to voice themselves, you silence them by deleting their posts. YOU'RE more like Hitler than Obama is! o_o

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brad (over IM):  I must be missing something on this whole contraception thing; are people being FORCED to use them???  o_0

Stacy:  No but it was PROPOSED (and then later compromised) that all insurance companies, including companies that cover employees of religious institutions, cover birth control, which, I believe in.  I think insurance companies SHOULD cover birth control for women.  Shit is expensive.

Brad:  Well, yeah, makes sense.

Stacy:  Cheaper than a baby.

Brad:  But she is making it sound like people that don't want to use them are being forced to.  o_0

Stacy:  Exactly. There's a lot more to it, but this is basically what it boils down to in this context.

Brad:  Does she know that even though insurance is covering birth control, you still have the option to NOT use it???  o_0  Or... is she REALLY that stupid?

Stacy:  Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Brad:  I mean, if they wanted to FORCE birth control on us, they'd put it in the water.

Stacy:  I would actually support that initiative...

Brad:  Ditto, but that is not the way it is really going down and she is coming out guns-a-blazing (although filled with blanks) like they just shoved a pack of birth control pills up her pussy!

Stacy:  SERIOUSLY!!!  I stopped reading. It was pissing me the fuck off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brad Sharp (posted to his TimeLine on FaceBook):  To any of my "friends" who think that the comparison to Obama and Hitler are accurate and justified, I do not want your ignorance clogging up my FaceBook home page; please de-friend me if your dumb ass can handle such a complicated task.  Hitler = monster & murderer ≠ Obama ; You = IQ of a sack of hammers ≠ me

FB Friend:  Look Brad - the similarities are quite frightening.  Both are scary individuals who can whip up a frenzy and get people to follow them to the depths of hell & ruin.  Neither has any reason to be in a position of power!!!!!!

Brad Sharp: I am not a political person at all, and I don't care about anyone's views in the slightest, but to make that comparison is straight up ignorant.  That's like me saying "The Zodiac Killer is TOTALLY like Pat Sajak; they both deal with letters and puzzles and fuck with my mind!  It's only a matter of time before Pat takes a life! ... if he hasn't already!"  :-|

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Stacy J Sciarra:  In closing, I think it was put best by one of my supporters; "There is a tradition in many newsgroups and other Internet discussion forums that once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever debate was in progress."

Now, sit back, think to yourself  "what the ACTUAL fuck?!" and then be terrified of the fact that there are people running around out there that actually believe this shit.

MAKE SURE TO VOTE 2012!!!

An Hour In My Life (Really, just an hour)

Cast of Characters:

Me:  Recruiter of Awesomeness
Moron:  2 pm appointment applicant
Asshat:  10 am appointment applicant
Asshat’s Mom:  Self-explanatory

Me:  *working in a frenzy – busy, busy!*
Moron:  *walks in at 1:20 for a 2 pm interview*  Hi, I have a 2 o’clock
Me:  *smiling*  Ok, I will be right with you!  *tries to finish what I’m doing as well as answer calls*
Moron:  *comes back up to me at 1:30*  Um, the reason I was here early was that I DO have another job…
Me:  *sort of shocked at his rudeness*  Oh!  Um, ok… *gives him paperwork*

PHONE RINGS OMG ANSWER ME NOWWWW!
Me:  Hello, Recruiter of Awesomeness, what’s up y’all?
Asshat:  Hi I’m on my way for my appointment…
Me:  *glancing at clock* ok well you were supposed to be here at 10 am.
Asshat:  Oh .. uh .. really?
Me:  *inward sigh*  If you come now, I can try to squeeze you in
Asshat:  OK!

10 minutes later…

Moron comes up and asks questions about the job he’s applying for, questions that were fully covered in the online ad that he answered.  I explain the job requirements, wherein he says he doesn’t have the experience that is required.  He tells me where he works – a VERY menial job, by the way, and not (IMO) nearly important enough for him to have been so rude about demanding I begin the interview early, especially since I know he doesn’t have to be at work until 3.

Asshat and Asshat’s Mom walk in.  WHY WOULD YOU BRING YOUR MOM TO A JOB INTERVIEW?!  THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK!

Asshat pushes her way to the desk and I give her her paperwork.  Moron goes back to finish filling out his.  Ah, a moment of peace!  I try to get some calls done, emails read, and so on.

Asshat’s Mom:  Excuse me?!?!?
Me:  Yes?
Asshat’s Mom:  I don’t have internet access so I couldn’t put in an application.  Can I fill out the paperwork too?
Really?  You’re going to ask to do a walk-in when we clearly do appointments only?
Me:  No, sorry.  We need the online application, and within 24 hours of receiving that, I will call you to schedule an interview.
Asshat’s Mom:  How long?
Me:  Within 24 hours…
Asshat’s Mom:  Ok  *walks away*
Me:  *trying frantically to work*

Moron:  Ok so uh tell me about this job.
Me:  I thought you weren’t going to continue since you don’t have the required experience?
Moron:  Oh, uh, ok.  *goes back and sit down*
Me:  *???*

Asshat’s Mom:  Where’s the bathroom?
Me:  *sighs and gives her the key*

Asshat pushes her way up to my desk to take her ID’s back. She’s not done with her paperwork, she just had to get them RIGHT THAT MINUTE.

Me:  *wishes for vodka*

Finally my partner finished up her conference call and I told her that Asshat was here, Asshat being her candidate.  She flat-out told Asshat that she’d have to reschedule since her appointment was at 10 am (ha!)

Asshat’s Mom:  So if I put in an application, when will you call me?  4 days?  I didn’t hear you before.
Me:  OMFG Lady, within 24 hours!  Fuck off!  (Last part, I wish)

A note of warning.  Do NOT have Taco Bell and vodka at the same time.  Trust me.

This should help get my point across:

(IM'ing on FaceBook with Stacy)

Brad:  Blah blah blah...

Stacy:  Yadda yadda yadda...

Brad:  OMG... TACO BELL VODKA EXPLOSIVE SHITS ARE COMING!!!  O_O  BRB... I HOPE!!!!!!!!

Stacy:  LMAO!  GOOD GOD RUUUUUUN!!!!

(texts from the bathroom [yeah, it's our schtick; shaddap])

Brad:  OH MY GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!  >_<  *holds handrail*

Stacy:  LMAO ROTF!  Oh... I want to be sorry... but I can't be... I know your pain all-to-well.  
(side note, I just love that big sisterly support)

Brad:  Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and that fucking donkey!!!!!  >_<

Stacy:  That was me yesterday!  Well, not fucking a donkey, but you know... making a run for the ... aw hell ...what you're going through right now.  :-P

Brad:  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  >_<  *kaBOOM!*

Stacy:  Good luck!  Don't shit out your asshole!

Brad:  I think that "Angry Birds" should be the new code for taking a deuce; you know everyone takes their phone with them to the crapper, they more than likely play a game, and there's a good chance that it's Angry Birds.  Dude... the birds right now... they're fucking LIVID!  >_<

Stacy:  LMAO!  Oh Brad... the humanity!

Brad:  I think... I think I just spoke in tongues and exorcised a demon.  o_o

Stacy:  Yeah, exorcised an ass demon. 

(back on FaceBook)

Brad:  Oh sweet mercy!  My pants actually fit better.  I thought that was just a joke or myth.  And that toilet paper holder needed some WD40, for real.  Like grinding sand and mice.  Next time I'll save it the trouble and shout down the hallway, "Hey!  I'm taking a shit!"

Stacy:  The Pants-Fit-Better is not a myth.  It is FACT.  And LOLOLOLOL at the toilet paper holder... however, I'd rather have a squeaky wheel than the shit that tears off every two squares.  C'mon people, I need more than that!  I just painted the inside of the toilet!  Upon further inflection, I'd like to mention, in our office, one does not need to announce "Hey! I'm taking a shit!" since my desk is so close to the bathroom - trust me when I say, I can hear EVERYTHING that goes on in there, much to my dismay... and really, sometimes I actually say, “What the ACTUAL Fuck is going on in there!”  o.0

Stacy J. Sciarra: Good morning WTAF'ers. This morning, I have a few complaints that I wish to bitch about. This is a multi-level story. Please try to keep up.

This story starts on Sunday. I helped my mom with some mulch around the yard. My back was already sore… and then there was dance class x2 on Monday, which really put a hurting on me. More specifically, every muscle in my body hurt. To remedy this, I went to Greg and Bryan’s apartment after work (because it’s 13 minutes from my work instead of the hour it takes me to get home).

Bryan asked to 'bum' some smokes last night and I said, "sure, if you GO TO THE STORE for me... I'm almost out" so, he smokes how many of them he smoked... and then goes to bed. I went to his room and was like "WTF?!?" and he whined, "I don't want to get up, I'll go in the morning" I retort with, "dude, I have WORK in the morning" (he left me ONE DAMN CIGARETTE) so, I had to stop this morning, which made me late because OMG I HAVE TO SHARE THIS GEM WITH YOU...so I'm at the convenience store. There's a woman in front of me... She's buying a rice krispie treat, a Starbucks frappaccino and wants to get a 'black and mild' …and then she tries to pay with food stamps. She got all pissed off when the lady/cashier said, "We don't accept food stamps."

I just wanted to say, "What the ACTUAL fuck are you getting pissed for? You're buying a rice krispie treat and STARBUCKS with FOOD STAMPS while there are kids starving?!"

Gah damn people piss me off. Food stamps are meant to SUPPLEMENT your groceries...provide STAPLES in your kitchen…but, you know, whatever.  I suppose a pre-made, overpriced Rice Krispie Treat and Starbucks drinks are good too.

In other news, more idiots in the workplace! I just got a phone call from a gentleman asking if we “do free constellations” while I assume he meant “consultations”, I couldn’t help but channel Ms. Cleo, “Tank you for callin’ me, mah-mie, but Miss Cleo don’t do free readings! All I can see in the stars is dat you’re an idjot! AHAHAHA! Take car, nao!”

They really need to just replace the word "radio" with the word "Adele" since that is all there ever fuggin' is on the damn thing these days.

‎"Hey, what's on the Adele?"
"Adele."
"Oh, turn that shit up and play it on repeat ad nauseum!"
"Already ahead of ya!"
*ears bleed*

I mean, don't get me wrong; I DID like her... in small self-administered doses.  I'm also very glad a big girl got noticed and is making bank, but dayum, give it a rest!  I should not have to be in a situation where I hear the same damn song five times in an hour nor should I be forced to change from my regular radio station to another only to hear her again singing the exact same droopy notes or another one of her depression marches!  Also, why the hell can't she cheer the fuck up?!  Bitch is now richer and more famous than JESUS and it's still all wha-wha-poor-me-I'm-fat-and-alone songs.  Give me some "I'm in the money, bitches!" and upbeat tunes!!!  I get it, she is  awesome, but you know what they say about the candle that burns the brightest...

it will set fire to your ears, brain, and soul before it finally fizzles out.  >_<

***UPDATE***


Brad:  OMG!
Brad:  RAWR!  (our code for "That bitch is whining on the radio, again")
Brad:  Seriously????
Brad:  >_<
Brad:  GAAAHHHHH!!!
Brad:  I really should call the radio station and just say "Knock it off!"
Stacy:  LMFAO -- dammit, stooooooop it 
Stacy:  You're making my abs seize up! 
Stacy:  (though, I want to do the same thing) 
Stacy:  Thank god, I have interweb radio and I can just "skip".
Brad:  I know!  Lucky bitch!  Would it be rude to run over to the coworkers cube and just turn their radio off?
Stacy:  Go for it.  Then, you might move to Florida sooner than you think.
Brad:  I could plea insanity!  ^_^
Stacy:  ... driving to the brink by Adele.
Stacy:  driving?  WTF?
Stacy:  DRIVEN 
Brad:  LOL!!!!!! Her newest hit.
Stacy:  Oh lord, I'm contributing to the problem.
Stacy:  It's an epidemic, really.

Brad Sharp:  Good afternoon, WTAF'ers.  We bring you yet another story in ignorance.  This time I thought that I would share what goes on at my job.  As I have said, I work for an accounting company.  We reconcile business accounts for major retailers.  I am sure if you can think of a store, fast food joint, restaurant, or service provider, we more than likely do their books.  Since these accounts are owned by pretty big and well-known names, we sometimes run into power trippin' bitches that refuse to cooperate simply because our given birth name is not what is shown on the account.  Like anyone goes around with the name Walmart?!  To get around this, we have sent all banks a letter of authorization, which will be explained in the scenario below that just happened:

Brad:  Hello.  I'm Brad Sharp with AccountingCompany.  I am calling in regards to the RetailerName business account.  We are out of balance and I just need to verify the ending balance on the 4th with what is shown online.

Teller:  Okay, what is the account number?

Brad:  1234567890

Teller:  Okay, let's see here... what was your name again?

Brad:  Brad Sharp with AccountingCompany.

Teller:  I... I don't see your name on here anywhere!

Brad:  No, my name is not RetailerName and my actual name will not be on the account...

Teller:  Oh, well I...

Brad:  ... but there IS a letter of authorization from the signer of the account and our office that gives us access and permission to any information on this account.

Teller:  ...... well, I will have to go look that up.  Could you please hold?

Brad:  Sure.

*the Muzak version of Summer Nights plays with intermittent interruptions by very loud and obnoxious bank advertisements*

Teller:  Okay, I'm back and I found the letter of authorization, but I don't see your name anywhere on here.

Brad:  No, my specific name would not be on there; it should state that permission is given to any employee of AccountingCompany.

Teller:  Well, yes, I see that, but I don't see your name on here.

Brad:  Ma'am, my name will not be on there.  We have an office full of people that gather account information for various retailers and it would be impossible to add each and every employee name to every letter of authorization for every account.

Teller:  I realize that, but to share information on this account, I need to know who I am speaking with.

Brad:  Brad Sharp from AccountingCompany.

Teller:  I don't see your name on this letter of authorization.

(tempted to say "Who's on first, bitch?!")

Brad:  Ma'am, the letter of authorization states any employee of AccountingCompany.  I am an employee of AccountingCompany.  I just need to verify the balance with you to the one that I am looking at online right this very moment.

Teller:  Well, how do I know you're from AccountingCompany?  How do I know you are who you say you are?

(temptation again "How do I know who YOU are?!")

Brad:  Because we are the ones that sent the letter of authorization to you for this very purpose!

Teller:  .... hold... hold on, I need to speak with my manager...

*Summer Nights invades my ears again*

Teller:  Okay, I just spoke with my manager and she said that it was alright to speak with you.

Brad:  Thank you.  Now what was the ending balance for the 4th?

Teller:  $1234.56

Brad:  Okay, that is not what the website is showing and I now balance.  Thank you for your help!

Teller:  Oh, you're welcome.  Sorry for...

*click*

How in the hell would I know about the letter of authorization?  How would I know that it states "any employee of AccountingCompany"?  Do you really think that I broke into the bank, ignored all the money, planted the fake letter of authorization, and snuck out without any other devious malevolence done?!  That is the WORST crime EVER THOUGHT OF!  Of COURSE YOU would be the one to think of that!  That's more of an April Fool's prank than anything!  Lord help me, I'm gonna mail you a cowpie!  >_<

Stacy J Sciarra:  Good morning interweb viewers. This morning we have a relationship WTAF story for you.  It seems that some people really do know how to truly hold a grudge. This viewer submission from Laura has my co-anchor and I scratching our heads and asking, “What the actual fuck”.

"A 99-year-old Italian man is divorcing his 96-year-old wife after discovering that she conducted an affair in the 1940s, reports the Telegraph. 
The couple have been together for 77 years, but time was no healer when the husband, referred to by Italian lawyers as Antonio C, found evidence of the affair while rummaging through a chest of drawers. Having confronted his wife, who confessed to the affair, he is now seeking a divorce.
According to UPI, Antonio came across letters his wife had received from an old lover more than 50 years ago, making him suspect an affair. It is also reported that the couple have five children and 12 grandchildren along with a single great grandchild."

Yes, you read that right. After 72 years of time passing between the affair and either the discovery of it or the realization that “fuck! I never did anything about this 72 mother fucking years ago” the dude decides that *now* is an appropriate time in his life to divorce his beloved… presumably so he can run out and sow HIS wild oats.

o.0 really, dude?

Brad Sharp:  Well now, wait a minute.  If he just found out about it, he could just be sticking to his morals.  I mean, sure, he prolly has about 23 minutes left on this Earth, but at least he can go with the clear conscious that he thought he was doing the right thing.  Either that or he was just waiting for an excuse to come along to divorce the old bitch.  If those letters didn't surface, it might have just played out like this:

"Sorry, honey, but I burned the toast."
"I want a divorce!"

Or the dude could've just lost his marbles.  :-/

Brad Sharp:  What a way to start off the new year; by pissing me the FUGG OFF!!!  >_<  For those of you that do not know, I work in accounting.  Whenever a new month begins, the banks go all retarded and mess crap up.  Whenever a new YEAR starts, the banks are swallowed by the mouths of Hades and shat out of its black hell-besmeared farting hole, and we are left with just a defense of wet naps and tears.

So, today, I am working feverishly at the computer and eventually come to an account that is out of balance that I have to spelunk into the depths of Satan's bunghole to figure out.  My body language is OBVIOUS to any moron with half a rat turd rattling around in their airy noggin; staring at the computer, reading line after line of transactions, clicking back and forth from window to window, muttering curses under my breath (foul words and bad juju hexes), and clicking away at the keyboard.  OBVIOUSLY this is someone that is busy and needs not to be bothered and have their train of thought interrupted.  OBVIOUS, right?

Not to one special individual.

Y'all remember the Messican Meddler, right?  Here's her mug-shot to refresh your memory:

So, I am OBVIOUSLY busy as all hell, when I see a shadow envelop my working area.  I already knew who it was and ignored her the entire time, trying to keep the string of numbers rolling through my head.  I see a pudgy hand reach out to my desk and grab my container of Hot Shots candy.
MM: Seen-ah-man candees...?
Brad:  *keeps staring at the screen trying to find the discrepancy*
MM:  Hmmm... seen-ah-man candees. *puts it back down*
Brad:  Yep.
MM:  *stares at me in silence for a good twenty seconds as I continue to work, then whispers*  Joo got pree-tee eyes.
Brad:  Yep.
MM:  How was joor holly-day?  *rams her shoulder into mine with a nudge*
Brad:  Fine.
MM:  Was fine?
Brad:  Yep.
MM:  Dat's niiice.  *walks away*

Brad Sharp:  OMG!!!  FUCKING SHIT GAWDAMN MOTHER TWAT!!!  >_<  Do NOT bother me when I am OBVIOUSLY looking at the screen trying to find out why an account is out of balance!!!  I have numbers running in my head, I do NOT need to tell you about my holiday RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!  Jesus CHRIST some people are rude as FUCK and need more work to do!  Not TODAY, Messican BITCH!

Stacy J. Sciarra:  Awwww, I feeeeeel the love!  You should really ask her to be roommates with you!  I bet that would work out real well!

Brad Sharp:  She would end up a stain on my carpet and an odd smell in the trash chute.

Stacy J. Sciarra:  I'm guessing the "odd smell" would not be a new thing... for her or for the trash chute.  BAZINGA!

Brad Sharp:  *walks off muttering as eye twitches*

Stacy J. Sciarra:  Well, with that, let's start our year in review.  We know our loyal readers asked for it, so here goes.

July 15, 2011, our site was born. *choir of angels sing*

We had the Wite-Out incident (really, Judy? You can't figure out how to use Wite-Out? I mean, seriously!  I still can't get over this).  We had the Ghetto Virus wherein I got hit with an encyclopedia to knock the ebonics outta me.  July also brought missing papers and railcars (how to lose a train?!?!?)!  Brad endured coffee sniping by co-workers while I had a handful of idiot boys sending idiot text messages (no, I do not enjoy migraines nor are you god’s gift to women).

August brought us military grade douche, the first appearance of the Messican Meddler, Sports with Stacy (cause Brad sure as shit ain't gonna do it ... EVER), and a personal interest story about proper etiquette when ranting; and for those of you who missed it, it's when we invented our signature 30<3.

September ushered in a time of remembrance with cookies, we had more Sports with Stacy, and the birth of our store (have you visited it yet? Trust me when I tell you it's hilarious to run around with Kiki on your bewbs, girls).

October was a difficult time for Sports with Stacy as the Raiders lost their fearless leader, Al Davis.  Then, there was the hilarious 'from the field' report of a Slippery Situation.  If you haven't, go read it.  We also added a regular field reporter, Vivian Smartass.  She has many WTAF moments and we love having her share them.  Kudos to her and her idiots!

November seemed to be a rather difficult month.  A lot of OMGWTAFBBQ moments and entries.  Meltdown Mondays, Terrible Tuesdays, WTF Wednesdays with Runny Ketchup, Wine and Cookies.  MM-MMMM, good!

December saw little activity until the end of the month wherein we suddenly had a lot to report on in small segments and one very special entry that took the cake for WTAF moments.

Thank you for staying with us!  2012 promises to have more hilarious WTAF entries!


~Honorable Field Reporter Mentions~


We definitely cannot do this alone.  Well, we COULD, but you make it SO much better!

Summer
Megan
Jeremy
Greg
Anonymous Gay Reporter
Laura

Feel free to join our WTAF family!  Send your stories in to NewsDesk@WTAFnews.com

Also, a BIG shout out and thanks to our fans, friends, and family.  Without you, we’d be laughing at ourselves, which usually constitutes a strait jacket, a padded room, and lots and LOTS of drugs.

ThirtyLove out… for now.  ^_^

Brad Sharp:  Hello again, faithful readers.  Boy, we're on a hot streak of posting stories!  Side note: every time I say, hear, or read the word "stories", I picture a little old lady watching soap operas.  Is that what we have become, now?  A constant barrage of turbulent issues?  Problem after unending problem?  Evil twins coming back from the dead to wreak their vengeance by annoying the living shit out of us until we kill them again?  Do we need a new name to better associate us with what we have become?  "The Young and the Stupid"?  "All My Dumb Bitches"?  "General Pains In My Ass"?  "The Bold and the Ignorant"?  "Que Eres Estúpido y tu Madre es un Burro".  Sorry, I had to throw in a little telenovela flavor.  ^_^  Like words through the ears of the hollow headed individuals of whom we speak of, these are the WTAF moments of our lives...

So, as some of you may know, I work in an cubicle, in an office, in a building, for a very big company.  So very professional sounding, right?  Oh, hell no.  I work with a group of rowdy ass mo-fos.  Yelling, cursing, cracking up, having a good ol' time!  You'd think it was a gawdamn party!  Well, I have learned to just deal with it over time, but only after I asked one of the individuals...

"Damn!  Why are you so loud?!"



Wanna know his response?

You'll never believe it.

Seriously, this is messed up.

I can't believe it myself.

You just cannot make this shit up.  For real.

You ready?

I'm not!

But here's his response anyway...



"Because I'm black!"

Now, yes, I can see the humor in his reply, and I did chuckle at the time, but seriously, how else can  one respond to this?

"Well, you need to turn the color of your skin down, because you're disrupting my work"?

Yeah, and I'd be the one that goes straight to HR.  >_<

So, yes, that is just a tiny taste, a sample, a petite amuse-bouche if you will, of the environment that I interact with on a daily basis.

Which, is why, we will never run out of ideas, content, or material for this site.

Ever.

^_^

Stacy J. Sciarra: Good morning readers ... this quick story is brought to you compliments of FedEx. A delivery guy just brought me an overnight envelope... while I'm signing for it, he asks how to pronounce my last name... it goes like this:

FedEx: "How do you say your name?"
Me: "Ski-are-uh"
FedEx: "Gill?"
<me staring at him in utter disbelief... dude, that's not even close>
Me: "Ski...are...uh..."
FedEx: "Oh. Ski-lar-ah"
Me: "No. Ski.... as in to ski, on a mountain....Are...as in Are you stupid....uh, as if I just punched you in the stomach..."

*pokerface*

What. The. Actual. Fuck. GILL!?!?!??! That's not even CLOSE.... there's not even a G or G sound anywhere in ANY of my names. Seriously.

Stacy J. Sciarra:  For my dear sweet Kali, who was stressing about this over the weekend. I give you this:

Our Raiders used to be a pillaging curse of the NFL. Feared, loathed, hated and rejoiced by fans and foes alike… but then we quickly became a punch line…the joke of the NFL… and for years, I’ve heard myself say “well, there’s always next season…”

However, this season… the Raiders have become unlikely survivors. We are 8-7 despite ALL odds (injuries, line-up, our owner dying… and, of course, our not-so-coveted title of Most Penalized Team in the NFL…for 9 years and counting)…and for the first time since 2002… we can reach the playoffs… not one, but TWO ways. One, we capture the AFC West with a win and a Broncos loss… or, we earn a wild-card spot with a win and ridiculously complex but not impossible combination of losses throughout the AFC. (Sounds like an evil plan in the making. I like it!)

I rarely sit here and regurgitate stats, and this entry will be no different. I just want to point out to my sweet girl, there is still hope… more hope than there has been in quite a few years… for our boys to make it. Give us an inch and we’ll take a yard. We have a team that you never want to turn your back on … kinda like the old days.

Stacy J. Sciarra:  Good afternoon WTAF’ers.  In today’s news, we have yet another what the actual fuck is going on with this dumb idiot I work with story.  It seems that Judy is unfamiliar with the latest in legal technology.  She, somehow, wandered over to my desk – it’s a miracle she didn’t get lost on her way, to ask me for a Bar Journal.  The paralegal in me inquired why she needed it.  I was told, “I’m trying to find the Broward County Clerk’s website”.  <thinks to self, ever heard of Google for fucks sake?!?>  In the two seconds she was standing at my desk, trying to get her overly wordy sentence out of her garbled with marble-sounding mouth…I retrieved the website.

“Browardclerk.org”

<Stacy turns to co-anchor Brad for support>

Stacy J. Sciarra:  I mean, it’s really that simple.  You don’t need a damn Bar Journal to look it up.  It’s simple technology.  Figure it out, it’s a good thing.  Brad?

Brad Sharp:  Poor, poor, dumb Judy.  Gonna be left behind in the technological revolution.  GOOD!  Rot in the Middle Ages, ya stupid old bitch!  <pauses for a second>  Wow... that was rather harsh. Where the hell did that come from?

Stacy J. Sciarra:  Sugar withdrawal.  It’s been said that your sister sent you a ridiculously sized box of candy for the holidays and you had a candy orgy over the weekend.  If I’m not mistaken, our in-the-field reporter uncovered this nugget of truth from your own mouth…

“Thanks for all the candy, but I think I need a refill already; ravaged all the chocolate, snarffed all the Twizzlers, gobbled the Cow Tails, rode the Starburst wave of nom, and don't even get me started on The Great Snowman Peeps Massacre.”

Brad Sharp:  Touché.  Well, she’s better than Paula, but I can just SEE the stupid ooze out of her ears.

Stacy J. Sciarra:  SERIOUSLY and if you could hear her monotone almost like Ben Stein voice that just grates on your nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard, you'd see why I almost want Paula back.

Brad Sharp:  LOL… ew… there’s no reason to go THERE. Steve just needs to get a chimp and be done with it.

Stacy J. Sciarra:  This has been another afternoon with the What the Actual Fuck crew.  Enjoy your hump day, people.  Now, weather with Kiki.

Kiki:  Shit, 'yall!  It be cold as FUGG!  Break out the jackets, scarf'ses, n' uurr-muffs if you don't want to get frost bite on yo' precious delicates!  Gotta wrap dat shit in some of that pink itchy stuff with the Pink Panther on it.  Insumulnation.

Brad Sharp: Insulation.

Kiki:  Yeah... dat shit.  Then when you take it off, you can say "I'm unleashin' the panther, bitch!  RAWR!!!"

Brad & Stacy:  .............

Kiki:  So, uh, yeah... keep it all warm.  Hell, light it on fire if need be!  A'ight, I'm-a go now.  Need to get to the Stop N'Go to hawk my deeveedees.  Hey, do y'all think you might wanna buy...

Brad Sharp:  AND that's the news for today.  Hope you all had a happy holiday and as Kiki says, stay warm!

Kiki:  Yeah, dat's not all I said, but dat's a'ight.  You just interrupt me and do yo' news thang.  I know where you sleep.  Mmm-hmm... *flips weave*

30<3

Brad:  Hello, WTAF'ers.  I just had a riveting conversation during a random encounter with a new FaceBook friend.  Stacy was along for the ride as I filled her in on each aspect of the conversation and we had our own fun on the side.  The group of text with me and the new friend are separate from the group with Stacy and me.  Enjoy the fun!  We sure as hell did!  Also... WTAF?!?!?!  o_0

Brad Sharp:  Why the hell is a "Monnica Arion" chatting with me on FB? o_0
Stacy J. Sciarra:  Who?
Brad Sharp:  Exactly.

Monnica Arion: hello
Brad Sharp: yo
Monnica Arion: how are you?
Brad Sharp: good. well, as good as one can be at work.

Brad Sharp: o_0
Brad Sharp:  Sorry, bish... I can't marry you for a green card.
Stacy J. Sciarra:  LMAO!  Can't or won't?  There's a difference.

Monnica Arion: thats nice
Monnica Arion: where are you from?
Brad Sharp: Texas

Brad Sharp:  No means no, bish!  You'll just have to swim here like everyone else!
Brad Sharp:  Here's her FB pic...

Brad Sharp:  Yeah, pretty sure that is NOT a pic of her.
Stacy J. Sciarra:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA!  No doubt!  Damn hipster.

Monnica Arion: cool
Monnica Arion: well im from oklahoma city
Monnica Arion: how old are you
Brad Sharp: gonna be 32 next month. I'm an old fart. ^_^
Monnica Arion: ahh lol
Monnica Arion: well im 22
Monnica Arion: what do you do for living?
Brad Sharp: Accounting

Brad Sharp:  I'm broke, bish.
Stacy J. Sciarra:  LMAO!  Besides, you're GAY!
Brad Sharp:  Old, Broke, and Gay: The Life Story of Brandon Nead Sharp
Stacy J. Sciarra:  Oooo, I like it!

Monnica Arion: thats nice

Brad Sharp:  You're a bland little Green Card hunter, aren't you?
Stacy J. Sciarra:  LMFAO!

Monnica Arion: are you gay right

Brad Sharp:  Duuuuuuh!  No, I'm gay left
Stacy J. Sciarra:  LMFAO!  That's like the left shoe.  Now I have the left shoe, Harry Leftear and the left gay in my life.
Brad Sharp:  LOL, nah, I dress gayly "to the left".

Brad Sharp: Yeppers! ^_^
Monnica Arion: i see haha lol
Monnica Arion: so are you interested in a men right

Brad Sharp:  Damn, this bitch is a sharp cookie!
Stacy J. Sciarra:  That's what "gay" means in this context, honey.
Brad Sharp: SMH.  Run along now, little one... go get a life jacket or a dinghy or something.
Stacy J. Sciarra:  Flippers!
Brad Sharp:  Yes!  That can be her nickname, too!  ^_^  Run along now, Flippers.

Brad Sharp: indeed
Monnica Arion: really but i gave a friend pornstar guy so do you want to see in my friend

Brad Sharp:  I'm... I'm sorry... what???
Brad Sharp:  *eye twitch*  >_o
Stacy J. Sciarra:  Is... that English?
Brad Sharp:  I am unsure... of anything right now...  o_0

Brad Sharp:  No thanks. I'm taken and am loyal to him.  ^_^
Monnica Arion: ahh ok i see hahahaha
Brad Sharp: Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna get back to work now, Flippers. You take care! ^_^

Stacy J. Sciarra:  LMFAO ROTF!  You actually called her FLIPPERS?!  Perfect!

Monnica Arion: ok sister hahaha

Brad Sharp:  Sister?!  Bish... I'll cut you...
Stacy J. Sciarra: Srsly.
30<3

Brad:  We at WTAFnews wanted to take a moment to show you just how special your holidays are by reminding you it could be worse...

... much much worse.  >_<